February 9, 2009
About six months ago Mindi called and told me that Wicked was coming to San Francisco and that we should plan a girl’s trip and come to see her and Wicked. I got on line and got 8 tickets to Wicked for all my daughters and daughter-in-laws and our girl’s trip was set in motion. Little did we know six months later life would be a bit different than we had expected. Jessica decided to go on a mission and my future held a side trip I never expected to take. I was pretty secure in my thoughts that I would never have to deal with cancer. It wasn’t in our family and so I assumed that I would be exempt from this disease. Well, not so fast Miss Margo. When I first heard I had cancer and we were learning about the treatment and time frame San Francisco came to mind and I just hoped I would feel good enough to go. Last fast Sunday Marci and Eric’s little guy Gabe (9 ½) fasted a full 24 hours and their Isaac (8) and Emma (6) fasted one meal so that grandma could get better from cancer and also that I could be well enough to go with their mom to San Francisco and enjoy it. I had an awesome time with my sweet daughters (4) and sweet daughter-in-laws (2) in San Francisco. I hardly felt sick at all, I just had to rest a bit and missed most of the shopping, but it was wonderful. I need to thank all my boys for holding down the home front so I could be with the girls. They were/are so great. I didn’t hear one word of complaint from them just lovely wishes that they hoped we all had a good time. All the grandkids had an amazing weekend with their dads. So a big THANK YOU to my sweet boys.
This last chemo wasn’t as hard as the first one. The first week I was really, really tired and low on energy, hard to get anything done. I had tons of year end reports and stuff to do so I had to force myself to focus. I would work a few hours and then go and lay down. Eric volunteered to have Marci come out a few days early before we were leaving for San Francisco to help me so she was here Tuesday – Thursday and drove me to my stats appoint Thursday and helped with tons of stuff. The constant resting gets old but I can only go so long before I crash. By Thursday even though it was my lowest point as far as blood counts I started feeling better. Jack made me promise I would wear a mask in the airplane on the way to San Francisco to try to avoid getting sick, I did as soon as I finished the dinner we brought on board the airplane. I thought I might suffocate having to wear a mask and a wig but I survived and came home healthy. This was a totally different experience than last time. I am sure not going in sick to begin with had a lot to do with it as well as the prayers and fasting on my behalf. Knowing a little bit about what to expect and just the whole emotional experience of going through chemo for the first time I am sure added to the stress and depression of the first treatment. I am happy to report I don’t think I need to take anti-depressants. Everyone said I was a lot better this time and I would really like to avoid adding any more drugs to what I am already having to take. Yikes!
My funny story for this week is: Wednesday before my Chemo treatment I received a call from Dr. Klein’s office (where I go for my treatments). It was a reminder that I had chemo on Thursday. It just struck me really funny and I had to laugh out loud. Oh, right I forgot that was happening tomorrow. I mean seriously does anyone forget they are having a chemo treatment. As if your whole life isn’t centered around that treatment day for the next 6 – 8 months. Anyway I thought it was pretty funny.
I did have a little bit of a break down yesterday morning. After the lovely weekend reality set in and before we left from Mindi’s house to go to the airport I just wondered if I was ever going to be me again. Sunday when I talked to Jack I told him I was a little tired of this whole cancer thing and he said yes he was too and he wanted his wife back. So at 5:00 am Monday morning I woke up and thought what if I am not ever the same. They told me all the things I would lose during chemo and that most of the things come back but they come back different. If you had curly hair it comes back straight and so forth. Just thinking about being bald for a whole year, such a little thing but my identity and how I feel about myself is so tied up to it that as the girl’s asked me how I was doing and how I slept I started crying. Oh well, I guess one day a treatment is going to be dedicated to a bit of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I went walking and came back ready to face the next few weeks with joy and thanksgiving for all that I have.
I am constantly humbled and amazed at the loving concern, prayers, thoughts, fasting, gifts, beautiful cards, notes and emails I have received. I feel the power of everyone’s prayers every day. They bring comfort, strength and hope. I can’t thank my Heavenly Father and my heavenly earthly family and friends enough for all the efforts that are being made on my behalf. I couldn’t do this without you. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for surrounding me with awesome loved ones to help me through this experience. I love you all!!!