January 17, 2009
I had to wait a few days to write because I wasn’t being very positive. Jack worked in Salt Lake on Monday, we packed up and I went with him to work in Rock Springs Monday night. For years he has told me how hard it is for him to be away from me. I have always loved to be with him but with the kids and stuff I have had to leave him on his own every now and then. Well, I have finally caught up to him and I can’t stand to be away from him so I went to Wyoming with him, knowing I would need to take a bus home Thursday to get to my post chemo 1 week office visit. I brought most of my work with me and I can use my lap top to get on my home computer so I had hoped to get lots done. One of the side effects of this cancer for me, is it is hard to stay focused. Even on movies, reading, etc. But I made myself buckle down and got some things done. It was great to be with him. The ride on the bus was fine. Jamie picked me up at the bus station (she offered to come to Evanston to pick me up if I could find a ride to Evanston) but it just seemed easier to do this way. I arrived a 20 minutes late to my appointment, I just couldn’t decide what to wear (seriously how lame is that). Only to find out that they had shifted me back a half hour because of a new patient. So, I was early (I hate being early, my perfect world is right on the dot on time). My red blood counts were good but my white blood counts were pretty low at 1.2 normal counts are 4.5-10 (I think that is how they explained it to me), which is the whole point of the chemo, but when they are that low you can easily get an infection and you won’t have anything to fight it. They are explaining all this to me and that they will give me a prescription for an antibiotic in case I develop an infection. As I leave the doctor’s office I feel like I have a bit of a sore throat and my voice is hoarse. I don’t think anything of it. I am pretty wiped out by the time I get home and try to lay down, sleeping during the day is almost impossible for me even with cancer, but I got in bed and laid down and thought maybe if I put a movie on it would help me rest. I started feeling really achy and feverish, so I got out my handy dandy thermometer (they give you one in your chemo packet yippee) and my temperature was 99.6. Well you aren’t suppose to go above 100.4 before you call the doctor. So I was getting a little concerned. Meanwhile my body starts doing some weird things. Dr. Kirk my son in law is a chiropractor and with my treatments he sometimes uses a machine called a TTens, that gives you a gentle shock like sensation. I wasn’t having a treatment, but it felt like every bone in my body was on the highest level or the TTens not like a gentle shock sensation but like you say hey could you come turn this down, this is a little too intense. As the afternoon progressed my fever went to 100 and my heart started racing. I finally called the doctor even though I hadn’t reached 100.4 and sure enough I had to start on the antibiotic. Yesterday, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. My tongue is numb, my bones ache, my head hurts, my throat is sore, I don’t know if I will ever feel good again and so a had a good pity party, Jack called to ask how I was doing and I cried for the first 5 minutes and Jamie come up several times to check on me and I had a good cry with her. So I am all good for the pity party thing at least for a little while. Last night Josh and Amber came and brought me yummy soup and homemade cornbread and we played a new game called Power Grid. When I went to bed I said I needed to start thinking of all the things that I do have that are so amazing and not concentrate on all I don’t have for the moment. A dear friend sent me a lovely bracelet that says “Follow the footprints of the Lord, they will lead you through troubled times and brighten your life.” I often find myself thinking of the poem about the footprints and the Savior carrying us over the hard times, even though at times it seems unbearable the only way to get through is by our faith and the knowledge that our Savior loves us and is there for us. My sweet visiting teacher came the other day and stressed in the lesson that when Christ bled for us at Gethsemane his blood sealed us to him. That brought me a great deal of comfort. I can’t express enough my thankfulness for such amazing, strong, family and friends. Your prayers and kindnesses in word and in deed truly strengthen me and continually humble me that you would concern yourself with such as I. I am trying to answer all the lovely emails and phone calls, the focusing thing isn’t helping me accomplish that very well but I am still working on it, so don’t give up on me. I will get back to you. Please know you are loved and so appreciated and I couldn’t make this journey without you.
Love to all my sweet, sweet angels,
Margo
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