An excerpt my Christmas letter to my family

As you might imagine, I have had a great deal on my mind over the last 3-4 weeks. There is nothing like a life threatening disease to help to clarify your thoughts and emotions. I am absolutely convinced that one of the most important lessons that we should take away from the family crisis relating to your mother’s health is that we need to savor every moment that God gives us to spend with our family and express love frequently and fervently, hug each other a little tighter and show our love with kind words and actions. In one of President Monson’s most recent conference addresses he counseled that we should find joy in the journey. I really feel that up until this point my life has been a fairy tale existence. For reasons previously unknown to me, over the last year or so, I have been praying that I would be given the strength to face whatever difficulty Heavenly Father would see fit to allow me to face. The notion that if we can’t be given an easy burden, may we at least be given broad shoulders and strong back is better in theory I think than it is in reality. In hindsight, we have to be very careful what we pray for.
The ENT doctor that first gave us the news about the lymphoma said that things happen for a reason. I have struggled with what the reason for this might be, since I am convinced that the lessons needed to be learned are for those who love and know Margo and not for her. Could we not learn how to be more loving, supportive and compassionate and really appreciate the power of the priesthood at someone else’s ‘expense’? Now after several weeks have passed, it has been incredibly humbling to see all the expressions of love, the prayers and faith in your mom’s behalf. We have had countless people communicate to us that they have put your mom’s name on the prayer roll in the temple. We all know the affect that your mom has on anyone she meets: to know her is to love her. To once again paraphrase the big blue Genie, “You ain’t never had a friend like her”! We have had ward members who previously had had little or no communication with her come up and hug her and express their love and best wishes.
I’ll confess the first day or two experiencing the suffocating darkness of despair with contemplation of life without my dearest Margo. I couldn’t breathe for the oppressive weight that I felt on my heart and soul. For one with no first-hand experience with depression in a clinical sense, this is a terrifying experience. She is my everything!! I had an admittedly selfish vision of myself ending up an inconsolable, bitter, angry, lonely old man; our plans for missions and travel thwarted by the grim reaper. Gratefully, answered prayers and faith in the Savior snatched me back from that terrible nightmare. I take great comfort in D&C 122: “ …if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou my son, that all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?” Our ‘little’ trial seems insignificant by comparison when viewed from that perspective, does it not? But I can identify with the very jaws of hell since that would be my life without her. Your mom said to me a few days ago that she will miss being ‘spoiled’ when this is all over. I hope that we can all continue to spoil her long after her recovery, for she deserves all that and more.
Looking at Jamie’s cancer experience now through much different eyes, I find myself very sorry for not having really understood in my heart what Jed and Jamie and their little family have weathered in their battle against this terrible disease. Jed and Jamie, I hope that you will forgive us all for not being able to grasp the terrible reality of your struggle. You are our heroes for your courage, faith and example! You have helped me for sure and hopefully the rest of us to prepare to face our current challenge. The question Satan poses is this: We will remain faithful with an increase in love, faith, understanding and commitment to the gospel or will we be faithless and desperate? I see the evidence of the blessings Jed and Jamie have received as a consequence of their faithfulness. We might ask them what lessons they have learned and are they different people now than they were before the trial of their faith? After hearing Jed bare testimony this summer, I know the answer.